How Not To Man Up…

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

Some time ago, being the scrawny man-child I am, I decided to put on some weight and muscles, so I could ‘level up’ from ‘man-child’ ‘scrawny guy’ to ‘MANLY ADONIS!’

I started out with the best of intentions for gaining a hot new bod, but about two to three months in I am seeing no discernible difference. I gained at best a slight muscle mass and definition on my pectorals. Which is still good, but not as good as I could get.

One of the main reasons for my body maintaining a status quo of sorts is sheer laziness, if I’m honest. It is far easier to lie doing stuff on the laptop than to drop and give God twenty.

Plus, in the winter weather it’s too damn cold! That is a big part of it, as who wants to leave their warm bed to go and work out on the cold floor?

To give you an idea of my fitness, I’ll describe how I do things. I do 100 hundred press-ups and 200 sit-ups in a day. I like that number because it’s not too big and I can typically get it out of the way in four sets. Two problems are the coldness and the fact that it is really hard to get motivated when you are seeing no immediate results. It’s nice feeling fit and all, but since my body doesn’t gain much of a belly anyway, it’s really hard to have my body go to pot (so to speak).

I know that there will be somebody who suggests joining a gym, but I don’t have the money for the membership fees (which they’d take from my bank account, surely?) and I’d probably never go. Plus they might strain my weakling body too hard and we all know what a disaster that would be.

I do think that I should shape this attitude up, as my plans for being older include living forever and eating my way to an early grave. I’m so glad that those two things contradict because to be honest I’d probably enjoy them both too much for one lifetime. If I could find some way to do them both  it would truly be a perfect world. My ideal scenario would be to eat all I like, and my (obviously very latent) immortality would ensure that I suffer no consequences.

Due to either a fast metabolism or the fact that I don’t eat very much anymore, I find myself consistently staying around the same weight (11 stone) and looking much the same. Whether this is a side-effect of my immortality has yet to be seen, so for now the lack of workouts aren’t affecting me as much as they might if I was older. Far more likely is that my thinness is a result of my height (6 foot summat) evening out what I eat into a thin form.

Overall, I’m not exactly happy with my scrawny man-child body but to be honest I’ve lost the motivation to do anything about it. Maybe in the summer months (in particular, the pointlessly-wander-around-with-your-shirt-off month known as July) that desire will return.

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