I’ve Got The X-Factor. But I Shouldn’t…

Thursday, December 10th, 2009

As I listen to the latest discussions about the potential winner of this year’s X Factor or I’m A Celebrity, I think, ‘who gives a shit, honestly?’ People look back to about ten years ago and say ‘whatever happened to stuff like Beyblades or Pogs when we were kids?’ I’ll tell you what happened. Our tastes merely mutated from Kidulthood to Adulthood, so the latest sensation sweeping the nation is Jedward as opposed to Pokémon. Which, while still popular, is no longer ‘craze’ status.

The sad thing is, when you’re watching Big Brother, X-Factor and I’m A Celebrity, the participants are often less famous than you, so you are watching a bunch of nobodies go about their lives, so much so that I swear farting is probably a highlight of the day. I’m surprised that the BBC has embraced the reality show genre, as the 2007 Royal Charter says its mission was to ‘inform, educate and entertain’. Big Brother was hardly educational, wouldn’t you agree?

While the tabloid publicised antics of Jade Goody and others were a marvellous spectacle for those who really didn’t give a shit (obviously I would be one of those) I found the sudden elevation from nobody to somebody very jarring. If I ever get into show business, I want it to be because I have done something, not because I featured on some show before fucking off back into obscurity. Unfortunately, there are certain individuals who don’t seem to understand the ‘fucking off’ bit. Among them, that highly disturbing pair of twins known as Jedward.

The first I saw of them was a YouTube video of their performance of them performing that Britney Spears song. I can’t remember which one, but it had the bit about the Titanic lady in it. I didn’t like that song anyway, but they mutilated it! The whole point of that video was that it was about two lovers, not a borderline incestuous relationship. They used that sequence where the old lady from Titanic is mentioned in their choreographed routine and it just grated to see it coming from two twins.

We should stop making reality television. It isn’t funny, it’s barely entertaining (the best bits of X-Factor are the nutjobs who can’t sing) and it sure as hell isn’t thought provoking. Normally I would dismiss it as me being old-fashioned again, but looking at it I find it very hard to see any good in it. People could make the argument that it puts talented people in the public eye, but to do what? To churn out one or two efforts and then go back to obscurity. Rarely do we see anyone whose fame has lasted long because of this.

I, for one, am sick of it. Sick of all the Facebook status updates bemoaning the latest eviction or kick out and gossiping, sick of seeing the front pages of the tabloids focusing on these obscure fuckers who got up on some stage and sang and I am especially sick of seeing and hearing all the adverts for their post-competition singles EVERY SINGLE YEAR*.

Which brings me on to another thing. Invariably, the winner of X-Factor will have a Christmas single, and the cattle of the British public will go out and buy it by the truckload. And a truck is exactly where the soullessly produced singles should go – a truck that is driving towards a landfill.

In fact, because of this post,  I realised I needed a new category for my blogpage. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the new category: Vitriol.

*I am also sick of the slow loading speed of WordPress.

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