Walking On The Moon…(shamone) [preview]

Sunday, November 8th, 2009
I’m going to say from the start that I haven’t actually seen Moonwalker, Michael Jackson’s movie. Nor do I intend to. I decided to talk about it based on what I’ve seen in the Nostalgia Critic review (Google it and watch, it’s funny). So I guess it’s more like a preview than a review (hence the title).
See, the thing about this movie is that parts of it don’t really seem to make sense on any sort of level really. And I thought, with the release of his new movie, This Is It, that now would be a good time to cash in on the popularity of the film and write this blog. While ‘This Is It’ appears to be a concert film (I haven’t seen it, probably won’t, and Wikipedia would probably not be accepted as a useful source in this case), this appears to be a mish-mash of things that have already been used to further the Former King Of Pop’s career, things that should’ve been left on the cutting room floor and things that the animation studios are showing off with. Not that they have much to show off about; by today’s standards, the animations are quite bad. I’m not saying I could produce better, I’m saying that claymation may not have been the best medium to use for this film, as (with the possible exception of Wallace & Gromit) claymation generally looks poor. Especially 1980’s claymation.
Before I do any more mocking of this film, I would just like to say that I do respect him. He could sing damn well, he could dance and at this point I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out he was faking his death to raise publicity for his new film. Or he planned to re-enact Thriller. Whichever works for him.
And yes, I know the man died, but that is really no reason to glorify this film, in which MJ transforms into a car, a drug dealer with a huge laser tries to kill children and blow up the world (or something) and Michael escapes from a crowd of claymation fans (because he has no real fans? I’m sort of confused about that) who won’t stop chasing him by turning into some sort of rabbit dancer guy*. Yeah… like that won’t scare children.
Fair play to the man though, he did some good music videos in his time. Smooth Criminal was cool, and I’m sure most of us wish we could dance like that. The weird lean thing that they do in the video is nothing short of damn impressive. I mean, it’d be a pretty useless talent to have in everyday life, but I’m sure it’d help you get ahead in the dancing world. If that’s not computer effects or whatever, I’d love to know how they did it.
I mean, I know watching a review doesn’t count as seeing the whole thing and I’m sure it’s much better viewed properly, etc. But frankly, this movie is about 90 minutes long, and I did not want to pay for the dvd (I do not have £7.99 to fritter away on flights of moonwalkin’ fancy) or potentially waste my time watching it. I mean, I’m not going to discourage you from seeing a movie I haven’t seen myself. But if the aforementioned review is anything to go by, then maybe I should be.
*This reminds me of the giant rabbit from Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. It’s a great film, go and watch that instead.

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