No, Mister Bond, I Expect You To Blog…

James Bond practically invented the action genre. Fast cars, fast women, gadgets and witty heroes who always save the day from world domination are all hallmarks of the Bond franchise, which is now at 22 films and counting. After 20 films, the makers of the franchise decided it needed a bit of a reboot. So they brought in a new pretty boy (Daniel Craig) to play Bond, went back to the beginnings of the character and downplayed the kooky gadgets introduced in each film. They also dialled down the ‘disposable woman’ factor from the previous films. The only Bond girl they had in Casino Royale was one of the loves of Bond’s life, and a character whose legacy carries over into the next film. The thing I don’t like about the reboots as they are really just ‘Bond for the Noughties’. But we had that. It was called Die Another Day!

It is a good idea to show Bond’s beginnings, but did they have to get 9/11 involved? I know it was a tragedy and all, but that is precisely why it shouldn’t be involved in a Bond film. The films involve fantastical plots to dominate the world, not terrorism attacks, people go to films to escape that sort of thing. Fair enough, that would be what MI6 deals with nowadays, but it’s not what you see a Bond film for. I don’t like the ‘gritty realism’ feel that they’ve gone for. It feels like they’ve tried too hard to embrace what they feel modern audiences like to see. I don’t want to see man-tits in a Bond movie, because I am not attracted to man-tits (like most of the viewers, most probably), for I am not of that orientation. And in the end, Bond films are very much MAN FILMS (the capitals were entirely necessary), so the only possible reason they could’ve put those in there was to give the film mass appeal. It doesn’t need to appeal to women, it has enough men and teenagers that will line up in droves to watch a new Bond film.

In many ways, what Bond always came across as was a representation of the producer’s ideas of a perfect man. Smart, sophisticated, but not afraid to get down and dirty when he needs to. He is also what most men aspire to be, as he drives fast cars, uses the top gadgets and can easily charm his way into any woman’s heart/pants (delete as applicable).

The way I see it, the best Bond films are the ones that can remain timeless throughout the years. These tend to be the ones that aren’t really linked to current events. Goldeneye was a pleasantly enjoyable film (although not one of my favourite films ever) because it didn’t really focus on the ‘big issues in our climate today’. Eventually, when 9/11 is nothing more than a bitter memory, that film will seem tired and dated. Which brings me to the second reboot film, Quantum Of Solace. It serves as a direct sequel to the first, with plot threads carried on from the first. It deals with Bond’s attempts to move past his personal quest for vengeance (didn’t they do this in Licence To Kill? He even escaped in much the same way from the MI6 personnel), while associating with, but ultimately never screwing, another Bond Girl who is also on a quest for vengeance. There was one slightly improbable bit that turned me off the film (namely, Bond punching a bike to flip it over. I didn’t know he was Hancock!), but it holds up as an okay piece of film making. It wasn’t a film that compelled me to see it again, and I’d be happy if I never saw it again as long as I lived.

All in all, the new films feel too much like a shift in tone to a style that makes it hard for me to fully enjoy them. I don’t like them, but you might. If you like man-tits and terrorism (never thought I’d say that), then check out these films.

This Countdown Won’t Stop On 007…

I was reading through my old blog posts yesterday when I noticed that in one of my first blogs I said I would soon be doing a run-down of my top favourite movies. It won’t be in any particular order, because I can’t ever sort these out into any particular order. Same with books.

Number one, Star Wars. For sheer impact and imagination, this is probably one of the best movies of all time. It’s certainly deserving of being in this top ten. This ends up in a whole lot of top tens because it is a damn good movie. They got the whole ‘used future’ effect down really well. They include a lot of homages to classic movies while creating a fantastic and compelling story at the same time. Well worth the price of admission or dvd.

Number two, The Man From Earth. I won’t say much about this movie, as I have already reviewed it (it can be found late October on my blog calendar). Suffice to say it is a truly intriguing and well written movie about an immortal who has lived an extremely long life. Other than that, he is very similar in characterisation to you or me. It truly is a beautifully written and compelling film, I urge you all to see it somehow.

Number three, Back To The Future. For as the old adage goes (if indeed there is such an adage), the first one is the best. It is at heart a love story, but not in the way you might expect. Yes, everyone’s favourite time traveller has a girlfriend but their relationship is the one with the least screen time. The thing I love about this story is that it is just about a guy who is trying to get back to his own time, not actively out to change things, and what he does change he changes back or makes it better. This has probably one of the best examples of a happy ending for almost all parties involved, and yet it doesn’t feel cheesy in the way that happy endings normally do.

Number four, Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade. Again, have already reviewed this movie, my review of same can be found in the early days of November. I like this movie because it perfected the Indiana Jones formula and reached the perfect high of the franchise. It had great music, great stunts and great writing, as well as good acting – all helped by a plot steeped in well-known mythology.

Number five is one of my most highly loved comedic films: Hot Fuzz. This film parodied action films while showing an affectionate love for them at the same time. It included references to the director’s previous work, Shaun Of The Dead (another great film) while riffing on the situations that could occur and the way that crime is treated in the countryside. While parodying action films, it has stunts and action up there with the best of them, while in one way being better than them: it doesn’t deal in clichés. It mocks them but never unintentionally uses them. It also has some brilliantly gory moments, with two characters having particularly nasty things happen to them.

Number six is Highlander. The film that sparked off my love of the immortality concept. It is an action filled love story with guys hacking each other’s heads off with swords, as death by decapitation is the only way they can die. It is a well written and well directed movie, even if the special effects aren’t very good compared to standards of today. In one scene, you can even see the strings holding Christopher Lambert up. Normally that’s a phrase I level at Thunderbirds or Captain Scarlet. Mind you, it’s not as bad as the sequel. Pretty much nothing is as bad as the sequel. Never seen it? Be grateful.

Number seven is Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. Boldly going where four films have gone before, it takes you on a jaw-droppingly beautiful trip through the center of the universe, with a heartening conclusion, that –

Nah, I’m just fucking with you. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. This film got the Star Trek formula done, and done well. It was actually funny, had a positive message behind it (although not one I care about, I don’t want to ban films from putting messages across) and it had the easy interaction that comes with actors who’ve known each other for 20 years. To me, this is what I love to see. A nice group interaction of people who have known each other for a long time and have bonded well over that time.

Number eight is Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. This is a hilarious trip through space and time and the movie that made Keanu Reeves’ career take off (although Bill never really made it to the big time). The thing I love about this film is that it’s not too dramatic, and it is a damn funny film. It includes subtle jokes (one joke took me years to get) while opting for obvious humour that still shines as good writing and execution.

Coming in at number nine is Forrest Gump, one of Tom Hanks’ best movies. This is a movie that I believe everyone should see. It is about one guy who pops up in loads of places in history without really trying. It’s a heartwarming story of a disabled man trying to find happiness with his one true love. I love this film because it beautifully illustrates the contrast between two close people who got separated by life and the paths they take. Hanks is really convincing here as the IQ-deprived Gump of the title, it is an inspiring performance to behold for any aspiring actor.

And now we come to this, the final curtain. Futurama: Bender’s Big Score is the first of the direct to tv movies, and just behind the fourth in sheer funniness. If you like Futurama, you will love this. It tied beautifully into established continuity while adding an extra layer behind the scenes of the early episodes. This had me laughing heavily from beginning to end, and I’m sure it’ll have you doing so too.

The Book’s The Thing…

Anyone who knows me will know that one of the great loves of my life is reading. I have never counted, but would guess that I have over two hundred books in my possession. At this moment (not as this sentence is being typed, obviously) I have an eBook open on my laptop (Charles Darwin) and about two or three books that I have in my reading list. I have autobiographies, humour books, books of collected columns and more. In my room, there are books taking up much space on my shelves that I have to do reorganisation every once in a while. I have books behind books, on top of books and hidden away in boxes. So as you may have gathered, books are kind of my ‘thing’. I’m not sure how I grew to love reading so much (apparently I used to hate it when I was younger), but I’m glad I did.

What I love about reading is that no matter what book you’re reading, if it’s a good one you’re involved in it. You can absorb knowledge and interesting little nuggets from factual books, while a beautifully crafted tale can make you marvel at the wonders of the human language. Say anything you want about Jules Verne, for example, but he knew how to write a thrilling adventure story. Around The World In 80 Days is a damn good read. You can read the plot summary on Wikipedia or somewhere and yet you’d still read it because you want to see how it turns out.

In the same vein, somebody once asked me that if I’d already read a book, why would I read it again? The truth is, I forget the books after a while, so I read them again to refresh my memory, laugh at the jokes again or relearn something that I’ve forgotten. All of the books on my to-read list are ones that I’ve already read, apart from the eBook.

My love of writing probably stems from the part of me that loves books, because I read a good one and I think that I would love to write something like that. So that’s part of what this blog is for, to shape up my writing skills. It also means that I can gauge the reactions of others to my writing and see what needs to be changed and such. I read Lemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events and they hugely influenced me. I cared more about grammar and writing styles, I learnt what words meant, appreciated the humour that the author used. They kept up a good story while teaching you something at the same time. I like books like that, it feels that I’m getting more than just a good read.

Some books you will never get on with, no matter how much everyone raves about them or how famous they are (this is why I don’t try and force my tastes on people). For some people, the works of Jules Verne and Arthur Conan Doyle might fall into this category, while for others they might not agree with The Da Vinci Code. Those examples are highly contrasting except for the same common element: they draw different people in, who then rave about them to like-minded (and sometimes not so like-minded) people.

One of the things that I will need when I am older is a study, lined with books and containing a nice comfortable reclining chair or hammock to lie on and read, while serene music plays in the background.

With that said, I’m off to read a good book. I highly recommend that you do the same.